I know you're probably joking, but I think its worth stating that Consumer Reports does not accept any money, or even advertising from companies.
They actually buy all of the cars they test so they don't even put themselves into a position where the auto manufacturers lend them the cars and in the process provide favors, i.e. wine and dine them during the process. Also, when Consumer Reports buys the cars, they do so anonymously so no one from the dealer nor the auto manufacturer knows. Again, to avoid any potential for persuasion or prodding by the car manufactures.
So when Consumer Reports states a fact, one can confidently take it as fact. However, as with any car magazine, they also state opinion, for example, "why do you need a vehicle this big? most families will do fine with a smaller SUV." That would be opinion, but to be fair, they are not trying to pass it along as a fact, just opinion.
Their facts are more like this: "in comparison to other large, full body/frame SUVs, GM receives a 1/5 for quality".