Burken Boys’ and Girl’s Journey

[Fless]

Have had to shift from auto mechanic work with Joseph to trailer fabrication. Joseph wanted a flat bed trailer to pull behind his rider so he can haul a push mower and other lawn care accessories as he runs his lawn care business. So we have been working on making one out of some scrap steel I was able to get from work. Not finished yet, but thought I’d share what we’ve got accomplished so far. I’ve been doing the welding and he is getting the hang of cutting and grinding. It’s been a fun father/son project. Once it’s all fabricated, it will be painted red to match his rider and get a wooden deck with some side boards.

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Love the father-son experience! And wish I'd learned to weld.

 

[Sparksalot]

I loved projects like this with my Dad! We bonded and I learned alot.

I learned a lot from my dad and both grandpas that way. I did stuff with my son when he was young, then puberty hit. IT's been a shit show since.

 

[Fless]

I learned a lot from my dad and both grandpas that way. I did stuff with my son when he was young, then puberty hit. IT's been a shit show since.

Sometimes it gets better when their brains start working again and the hormones die down a bit. I know it did with mine.

 

[George B]

I learned a lot from my dad and both grandpas that way. I did stuff with my son when he was young, then puberty hit. IT's been a shit show since.

Sometimes it gets better when their brains start working again and the hormones die down a bit. I know it did with mine.

My 9YO was giving me a hard time about not teaching him something the other day. Then, yesterday when I went to help him with something he walked away. I said to him, “How do you expect to learn if you walk away every time I help you with a skill you don’t have? You should stay and learn something.”

 

[Fless]

My 9YO was giving me a hard time about not teaching him something the other day. Then, yesterday when I went to help him with something he walked away. I said to him, “How do you expect to learn if you walk away every time I help you with a skill you don’t have? You should stay and learn something.”

That's sort of what my dad told me when I was in my early 30s and thanked him for being a dad who would teach his son some things. I had two brothers, and Dad said, "Well, you were the only one who stuck around to help!" And apparently learn. Loved that guy and miss him every day, although it's been more than 20 years.

 

[Joseph Garcia]

I was at war with my dad, after puberty hit, and I remained at war with him for well over a decade, and a cold war for the next 2 decades. Plenty of fault and blame on both sides, for sure. We did come back together in time.

I made damn sure that I did NOT repeat that experience and lost years with my sons.

 

[Tonyrodz]

I was at war with my dad, after puberty hit, and I remained at war with him for well over a decade. Plenty of fault and blame on both sides, for sure. We did come back together in time.

I made damn sure that I did NOT repeat that experience and lost years with my sons.

I get what you're saying @Joseph Garcia , but I def can't "like" that. Similar situation with me and my father. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. He was pretty horrible to all of us. I loved him because he was my dad, not because he deserved it. One day in 2012, right adter Sandy--my uncle called. My father was living with him in Florida--said he had--was either 2 heart attacks or 2 strokes back to back. He was in a coma in hospice. Up to this point I haden't talked to my father in years. My gf had to talk me into going to see him. I was there for a week. Went and saw him everyday for that whole week. Entire time he was in a non responsive coma. My sister also came from NJ. We'd talk to him everyday while we were there. I think it was our last day there. We were leaving for good--we HAD to get back to NJ. As we were leaving we said "I love you"--to our surprise he said "I love you too, bye". We were shocked, but the nurse said that was somewhat not unheard of in a coma patient. Before leaving that day I had made my peace with him. I talked to him and I'm sure he heard me. He died 2 days later--2 days before my birthday.
This is why I LOVE to hear and read about dads and their children doing things together--and enjoying their time with each other. When I was younger I used to help my dad work on his cars, just like how my son used to help me. I don't know what happened to "That Dad" of mine. At least I was able to make peace--but I didn't say goodbye to him, I said "I'll see you later"--with him before he died, then it would've been too late. Sorry about telling a sad story Wade, I would love for someone to read it and to realize what they have in their children, and not to lose that bond with them. I hope someone will get something out of it.
One last thing--my sisters(3) weren't his, my mother was married once before--I was his only son--his only child. Pretty damn sad.
Again--sorry Wade.

 

[Rocket Man]

I get what you're saying @Joseph Garcia , but I def can't "like" that. Similar situation with me and my father. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. He was pretty horrible to all of us. I loved him because he was my dad, not because he deserved it. One day in 2012, right adter Sandy--my uncle called. My father was living with him in Florida--said he had--was either 2 heart attacks or 2 strokes back to back. He was in a coma in hospice. Up to this point I haden't talked to my father in years. My gf had to talk me into going to see him. I was there for a week. Went and saw him everyday for that whole week. Entire time he was in a non responsive coma. My sister also came from NJ. We'd talk to him everyday while we were there. I think it was our last day there. We were leaving for good--we HAD to get back to NJ. As we were leaving we said "I love you"--to our surprise he said "I love you too, bye". We were shocked, but the nurse said that was somewhat not unheard of in a coma patient. Before leaving that day I had made my peace with him. I talked to him and I'm sure he heard me. He died 2 days later--2 days before my birthday.
This is why I LOVE to hear and read about dads and their children doing things together--and enjoying their time with each other. When I was younger I used to help my dad work on his cars, just like how my son used to help me. I don't know what happened to "That Dad" of mine. At least I was able to make peace--but I didn't say goodbye to him, I said "I'll see you later"--with him before he died, then it would've been too late. Sorry about telling a sad story Wade, I would love for someone to read it and to realize what they have in their children, and not to lose that bond with them. I hope someone will get something out of it.
One last thing--my sisters(3) weren't his, my mother was married once before--I was his only son--his only child. Pretty damn sad.
Again--sorry Wade.

I have a similar story with my dad. He never wanted to teach me anything, but he sure would brag about his accomplishments. To everyone all the time. Told me when I was growing up I wouldn’t ever amount to anything, that I didn’t have any ambition, pretty much made me feel unwanted and worthless along with my 2 brothers. Alcoholism ran on both sides of my family the generation before them. I remember my moms dad was a terrible alcoholic but he was fun. My dads dad drove in front of a train when he was young, drunk, and died when my dad was in his teens which might partly explain why he was the way he was. But he always told me it was the weed I smoked that that made me even more worthless. It turned out I was an alcoholic as were 4 of my brothers and sisters. So combined with how I felt about myself I set off on a course of self destruction my entire life until I was in my 40’s, and my dad would say he told me so. *******. But one day I quit everything, quit making excuses, and decided to stand up for myself. I also decided I didn’t care what he thought. Best decision in my life. And my dad finally told me he loved me and was proud. I had quite a few years with him after that, and although he was never the best he did change a lot for the better. Too bad it pretty much took all his other kids to disown him before he did ,but at least he saw the light for awhile. So yes, it’s awesome when I see a dad doing things to lift their kids up instead of beating them down. And even though I never has kids of my own, I did help raise a couple of girls of my ex’s, the oldest who just moved out of my house a couple months ago with a nursing degree and an almost new Cruze I bought for her. So proud of her, and I tell her. Sorry for another long story but I think this stuff is important to hear.

 

[wjburken]

I get what you're saying @Joseph Garcia , but I def can't "like" that. Similar situation with me and my father. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. He was pretty horrible to all of us. I loved him because he was my dad, not because he deserved it. One day in 2012, right adter Sandy--my uncle called. My father was living with him in Florida--said he had--was either 2 heart attacks or 2 strokes back to back. He was in a coma in hospice. Up to this point I haden't talked to my father in years. My gf had to talk me into going to see him. I was there for a week. Went and saw him everyday for that whole week. Entire time he was in a non responsive coma. My sister also came from NJ. We'd talk to him everyday while we were there. I think it was our last day there. We were leaving for good--we HAD to get back to NJ. As we were leaving we said "I love you"--to our surprise he said "I love you too, bye". We were shocked, but the nurse said that was somewhat not unheard of in a coma patient. Before leaving that day I had made my peace with him. I talked to him and I'm sure he heard me. He died 2 days later--2 days before my birthday.
This is why I LOVE to hear and read about dads and their children doing things together--and enjoying their time with each other. When I was younger I used to help my dad work on his cars, just like how my son used to help me. I don't know what happened to "That Dad" of mine. At least I was able to make peace--but I didn't say goodbye to him, I said "I'll see you later"--with him before he died, then it would've been too late. Sorry about telling a sad story Wade, I would love for someone to read it and to realize what they have in their children, and not to lose that bond with them. I hope someone will get something out of it.
One last thing--my sisters(3) weren't his, my mother was married once before--I was his only son--his only child. Pretty damn sad.
Again--sorry Wade.

I have a similar story with my dad. He never wanted to teach me anything, but he sure would brag about his accomplishments. To everyone all the time. Told me when I was growing up I wouldn’t ever amount to anything, that I didn’t have any ambition, pretty much made me feel unwanted and worthless along with my 2 brothers. Alcoholism ran on both sides of my family the generation before them. I remember my moms dad was a terrible alcoholic but he was fun. My dads dad drove in front of a train when he was young, drunk, and died when my dad was in his teens which might partly explain why he was the way he was. But he always told me it was the weed I smoked that that made me even more worthless. It turned out I was an alcoholic as were 4 of my brothers and sisters. So combined with how I felt about myself I set off on a course of self destruction my entire life until I was in my 40’s, and my dad would say he told me so. *******. But one day I quit everything, quit making excuses, and decided to stand up for myself. I also decided I didn’t care what he thought. Best decision in my life. And my dad finally told me he loved me and was proud. I had quite a few years with him after that, and although he was never the best he did change a lot for the better. Too bad it pretty much took all his other kids to disown him before he did ,but at least he saw the light for awhile. So yes, it’s awesome when I see a dad doing things to lift their kids up instead of beating them down. And even though I never has kids of my own, I did help raise a couple of girls of my ex’s, the oldest who just moved out of my house a couple months ago with a nursing degree and an almost new Cruze I bought for her. So proud of her, and I tell her. Sorry for another long story but I think this stuff is important to hear.

Tony and Mark, no apologies for sharing your stories. I truly appreciate your openness and gives me even more of an appreciation of the chance I have right now. I have had a good shoulder-to-shoulder relationship with my dad. Can’t say we have ever been close but that is changing now after my mom passed last year.

Thank you for sharing both of you.

 

[Joseph Garcia]

I get what you're saying @Joseph Garcia , but I def can't "like" that. Similar situation with me and my father. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. He was pretty horrible to all of us. I loved him because he was my dad, not because he deserved it. One day in 2012, right adter Sandy--my uncle called. My father was living with him in Florida--said he had--was either 2 heart attacks or 2 strokes back to back. He was in a coma in hospice. Up to this point I haden't talked to my father in years. My gf had to talk me into going to see him. I was there for a week. Went and saw him everyday for that whole week. Entire time he was in a non responsive coma. My sister also came from NJ. We'd talk to him everyday while we were there. I think it was our last day there. We were leaving for good--we HAD to get back to NJ. As we were leaving we said "I love you"--to our surprise he said "I love you too, bye". We were shocked, but the nurse said that was somewhat not unheard of in a coma patient. Before leaving that day I had made my peace with him. I talked to him and I'm sure he heard me. He died 2 days later--2 days before my birthday.
This is why I LOVE to hear and read about dads and their children doing things together--and enjoying their time with each other. When I was younger I used to help my dad work on his cars, just like how my son used to help me. I don't know what happened to "That Dad" of mine. At least I was able to make peace--but I didn't say goodbye to him, I said "I'll see you later"--with him before he died, then it would've been too late. Sorry about telling a sad story Wade, I would love for someone to read it and to realize what they have in their children, and not to lose that bond with them. I hope someone will get something out of it.
One last thing--my sisters(3) weren't his, my mother was married once before--I was his only son--his only child. Pretty damn sad.
Again--sorry Wade.

Sorry to read that, Tony. I think that these stories are more common than most folks would want to admit. But, we have the opportunity not to repeat history, and we must take solace in that.